Life is really tough

It's been 6 days since Vincent passed away. Looking at his pictures in his frienster, in my blog really brings back memories, how he trained me in library, how he jokes with us, wat he teach me about life and all. Now I really feel regret for not staying in contach with him since he left school till now. I know regretting won't change anything, since he's already gone. All I can do now is appreciate who I have now around me, no one can predict what will happen.

College on the other hand, I tough college will be my new life, everything will be different from before. But, who knows, history is starting to repeat. I'm never serious in work in everybody's eyes. I tried to be serious, I tried to help out, but end up I'm doing unecessary things. My actions are always playing, my ideas are always joking, it's just hard to accept these. I AM always walking around telling jokes around, talking trash around. That's just who I am, I talk trash so everyone won't get so tensed up. I joke to see smiles and laughters. But I know when to crap, when not to, it's really sad to know that most people don't know. When I'm serious, I want my ideas to come out, I want to help with the knowledge I have. It may not be the best idea, but at least LISTEN and understand waht I'm trying to say or do.

Is it really me doing the wrong thing? Being me myself and I. Or is it just...what? I want to know.